This Rare Thing

The setting: mid-afternoon, inside the car, on a highway, drinks on the cup holder. 

We were listening to his kind of songs, some I would listen, some I would never. There were a couple of alternative rock and sappy (really sappy) love songs. I usually love to be the one in charge of the music, but this time, I didn’t care. 

All I thought about was this day was already a part of our lives. It wasn’t so special, it wasn’t even an epiphanic moment, no bolt of lightning. It just felt right. Just the music and the sound of the cars outside. That kind of moment that made me afraid that if I started talking, I’d ruin everything.

I never planned to stay with a guy this long. I’m only nineteen, we got together when I was fifteen. I fell in love with the way he played his guitar and sang in highschool, I fell in love with the first time he drew my face. I fell in love how we both love cars and want to open a garage in the future. I will always remember how he made me fall in love head over heels, up until now. He wasn’t only my lover, but my soulmate.

And as I thought about those things, I realized:

That what we have is rare. People search their whole lives to find something like this and us, we got it early. And honestly, there is nowhere else in the universe I would rather be at this moment. I would like to travel, go to Paris, or even see the ruins of Machu Picchu. But no, I would rather stay here, beside him, in this car, occasionally staring on the shadows of his face lit by the sun.

There’s nowhere else I could imagine wanting to be besides him, on this road, listening to our favorite songs, road tripping.

And if ever he breaks my heart, no matter what hell he puts me through, I can say it was worth it, just because of this moment. 

(Happy 62nd, L.)

Silence In A Little Box

One cannot underestimate the importance of silence in our daily lives. Silence can have an intense impact with the way we think and the way we act. Very often, from the instant we open our eyes, we are beat-up by the sound of honking cars, crying babies, children shouting, or even the sound of the train. We rarely take a break to think, to reflect and to introspect. And to do that, there is a demand for silence. 

Silence has become an alien in our lives and we always prefer to avoid it. That’s why there’s such a thing called as awkward silence. We always take it for granted and we often forget how precious it is that in the midst of the world’s clutter and noise, we often forget we need it. 

Silence, according to the dictionary, is the absence of vibrations and soundwaves. But, is that it? What is it, really? What’s with silence that we often fight off and stay away from?

When you’re watching a basketball game and everyone holds their breath as the player tries to shoot the ball into the ring for a split second;

When you listen to an amazing new band, not noticing you finished the whole album while you just laid in your bed thinking and staring at the ceiling;

When you see your crush walking towards to your direction and how everything behind him blurs as you imagine he’s being surrounded by butterflies as he walks;

When you see a random quote and you feel a smile spreading on your lips because it reminds you of someone;

When you’re done explaining yourself after the argument but you don’t hear him explain his side;

When everyone is quiet inside the elevator.

Even though these kinds of silences are unnoticeable, they are often complicated and overpowering. These quiet pauses that we often neglect, we don’t realize that they make up the bigger moments of our lives. It’s like a comma that connects clauses, an adhesive that keeps the bandaid from falling or the ring that binds the clear books we use to compile our papers. 

Silence is so powerful it can say many things. It can be a kind of treatment or an answer to a yes or no question. 

Sometimes I wonder if I can enclose silence in a little box and carry it around with me. When everything gets too draining or baffling, I will unlock it and put myself in. We all need that pause and that hushed moment. And after a while, I can feel revived and reawakened, like that second after I click the refresh button of my internet browser.