Still Suspended In Thin Air

As soon as I was assigned to that seat in the classroom, everything else happened. We had so many moments I cannot almost remember.

Anyway, I didn’t want to like him, but he was just so charming and it was something I cannot withstand. 

Those talks we had on the car ride, he plays music that sounded kind of like what I never almost listen, but I still tolerate. And as he sang with it, I wish I had something better to do for him. I wish I had told him that I loved how his words could describe us. 

When he got the nerve to ask me out on a date, instead of having lunch or dinner like the usual, we drove on the highway and he brought me to a place I’ve never been to before. It was at midnight when every store is already closed with nothing but lamp posts and the cold wind around. 

Every after we’re done being with our friends, we would just look for a quiet space and park the car. We would just make out, both close our eyes and feel the warmth that spreads across our bodies as we hold each other close.

These moments, seeing them through our eyes half closed, are priceless. And everytime I remember them, all I really want is to hold you tighter, breathe you in, and let my hand slide from your hair to you neck, and pull you closer to me. And after you pull away, I stare at your eyes and we gaze at each other, and you do that grin I can never resist.

I have no idea what’s going on, or what I’m supposed to feel. I can never admit to myself that I may have really fallen for you because I’m scared. So I hold back and stop whenever I feel a slight pinch in my heart.

And also, what’s your deal? I made you stop, because I don’t want to give you false hopes or anything. But you said you were happy. You were happy with this, with everything just rumpled around the floor. You could have had what most wanted, freedom. But, instead you made me fall head over heels, all over again.

Now, it just confuses me a lot. This may not be the most rightful thing to do, but I will always be happy when I’m with you. You overwhelm me so much even though we are suspended in the thin air. 

Now, what do we do next?

Silence In A Little Box

One cannot underestimate the importance of silence in our daily lives. Silence can have an intense impact with the way we think and the way we act. Very often, from the instant we open our eyes, we are beat-up by the sound of honking cars, crying babies, children shouting, or even the sound of the train. We rarely take a break to think, to reflect and to introspect. And to do that, there is a demand for silence. 

Silence has become an alien in our lives and we always prefer to avoid it. That’s why there’s such a thing called as awkward silence. We always take it for granted and we often forget how precious it is that in the midst of the world’s clutter and noise, we often forget we need it. 

Silence, according to the dictionary, is the absence of vibrations and soundwaves. But, is that it? What is it, really? What’s with silence that we often fight off and stay away from?

When you’re watching a basketball game and everyone holds their breath as the player tries to shoot the ball into the ring for a split second;

When you listen to an amazing new band, not noticing you finished the whole album while you just laid in your bed thinking and staring at the ceiling;

When you see your crush walking towards to your direction and how everything behind him blurs as you imagine he’s being surrounded by butterflies as he walks;

When you see a random quote and you feel a smile spreading on your lips because it reminds you of someone;

When you’re done explaining yourself after the argument but you don’t hear him explain his side;

When everyone is quiet inside the elevator.

Even though these kinds of silences are unnoticeable, they are often complicated and overpowering. These quiet pauses that we often neglect, we don’t realize that they make up the bigger moments of our lives. It’s like a comma that connects clauses, an adhesive that keeps the bandaid from falling or the ring that binds the clear books we use to compile our papers. 

Silence is so powerful it can say many things. It can be a kind of treatment or an answer to a yes or no question. 

Sometimes I wonder if I can enclose silence in a little box and carry it around with me. When everything gets too draining or baffling, I will unlock it and put myself in. We all need that pause and that hushed moment. And after a while, I can feel revived and reawakened, like that second after I click the refresh button of my internet browser.