CONFUSION IN INDIFFERENCE

If there’s one thing I’m surprised I can do quite well lately is, detaching. Growing up, I’ve always had some sort of anxiety issues. I was always too afraid to go out of my comfort zone,  and I hate it when someone tries to ruin the little bubble I created. 

There have been many points in my life where in I knew I had to let go and stay away from what I was at some point used to. I had a hard time doing that before that makes me quite astonished that right now, I’m not struggling too much. For someone who used to run for miles until her last ounce of energy, I was able to walk away without being too worn out. 

It’s just, I’m a bit bothered how some people think I’m a stronger person right now compared before. But for me, it’s either I’m weaker since I’m doing and not doing things out of fear or maybe all there really is to it, is indifference. I have learned to become indifferent to circumstances I know I would prefer not to handle. Sometimes, I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, being apathetic and casual, but it gets me through. Sometimes, being dispassionate and impassive makes everything fall into place. Or for the most part that’s what I think.

I just hope I don’t stay this way for a long time. I know I’ve been pushing people away, but I just really need time to lay down and relax. I need time to breathe deep and free my mind from random worries and concerns. For a while, I think I have to pop my bubble of reality and get out so I can see things more objectively. I’ve been too stressed with a lot of things over the past months and what I need right now is to feel renewed and find a new intention to live. 

There’s no point in this, really. I just needed to vent out. Trip ko lang magdrama.