Just escape and set free.

I hate sleeping late. I’m a conscious 8-hour sleeper and my friends know that. I can’t afford to lose sleep because I hate feeling groggy the next day. I already feel stressed when I’m not yet asleep by midnight. That’s how I value my sleep. And lately, for some reason, I can’t fall asleep easily like I normally do and during these sleepless nights like this when I have the strongest desire to just get into my car, drive away, and escape to nowhere. I want to to drive away the night, turn up my speakers, and enjoy looking at the city lights. I want to leave with no direction in mind or run away with no plans. I want to be someplace else where I can do anything I want, be nothing but myself.

I want to read a good book in a cafe’ with dim yellow lights, type away my thoughts, write something meaningul, and be vulnerable for a moment. I just want to throw my words out to the universe even when no one understands.

I want to write on the walls of the streets, paint out song lyrics that speak so much about the things I feel but cannot say. Can you imagine the thrill of writing them for all the world to see with the possibility that you might get caught? It’s exciting, don’t you think?

I want to sit in one corner of a bar listening to an underground band playing songs about life and love. I’ll order three shots of tequila and drink one after the other. After I’m drunk, I’ll go up on the stage and sing with the band.

I want to dance in the middle of the street at night under the traffic lights while I’m wearing a flowy white dress, my hair following my movement as I turn around. On my toes I’d be circling like a ballerina, swaying gracefully even when no one hears the music because it’s inside my head. 

I want to go to the beach and feel the sand between my toes as I walk along the shores of the beach. I would dip my feet slowly into the water as if I’m resisting the urge to jump in to the waves. Finally, I give in and I find myself in the middle of the ocean calm and still.

I want to be somewhere else other than here. Not that my life sucks or anything, in fact this is one of the few moments wherein nothing in my life is wrong. I’m very sociable, friendly and exhilarated about anything and I believe in the social context, it’s expected. There’s so much more inside my head, inside my system no one has an idea of. I am not emo and this dramatic entry is only caused by my unsleepiness. I tend to overthink and I just can’t believe that lately I’ve been enjoying too much alone time, I’ve gone cynical just like I want to be unshackled. I like being who I normally am, but sometimes it’s good to be out of character at times just because. :-)

After all this medicority and tediousness, I just wanna escape and set free.