Who loves who more?

I have always been in a relationship ever since I was fifteen and the man who I was in love with four years ago is still the man I am in love with right now. I have never been a relationship expert and I swear I always had troubles with dealing with it. Maybe that was because I was a kid back then, having no experiences, not knowing how to react with whatever the world throws on me. But scrutinizing with my own relationship with Levin, there were lots of times wherein someone loved the other more.

In the artistic point of view, I think it’s always good when you’re the “beloved.” Try to check out literary works about love and the “lover” is always miserable but dignified. When you’re the lover, you find a certain sense of grief and uncertainty. Looking back on my whole relationship with Levin, there were always those times wherein I feel more loved and unworthy or sometimes I was the one too upright with my feelings. But really, if I look back and reflect about it, I always feel better when I’m the lover. I never really cared so much when I feel a slight pain causing misery. All those years, I never wanted anything in my life but to shower him with my love and affection just to prove to him how sincere I was. Sometimes, a thought draws into my mind that maybe I’m wrong not giving myself a chance to look around and see who wanted to do that for me, that maybe someone will love me more than how Levin loves me. But no, maybe someone could love me more than he does, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m already happy and contented with the giving and receiving of love between us.

But after all those years, I feel nothing but thrill at the idea that there will always be that person who would want to pamper you and make you feel good all the time. I have realized that over the years, when time passes by, when you find someone who will understand you and accept you for who you are, who loves who more doesn’t matter anymore. The fact that you’re enjoying each other’s company- that’s what matters.

They say there’s no satisfaction being the beloved and I think that’s because you’re afraid the other person won’t see your worth. But really, when you find that person (like how I found Levin), it won’t matter anymore. Right now, he makes me feel loved more than anyone else made me feel. There’s someone out there who finally sees my worth and I don’t see any reason what’s not satisfying about that. :-)